just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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