WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
soo... how was my night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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