Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
