I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
