She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
