Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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