i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
