is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
