The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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