my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
