She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
