I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
