You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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