She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
