did you get engaged???
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
