you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
