Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
