My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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