I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize