Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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