God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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