I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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