Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
