last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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