I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm just crazy horny about you
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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