I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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