What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
