we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
