hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
