the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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