We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is Oprah even human
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
