I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
