Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm at about main and main street
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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