I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
