Pregnant stripper...not hot.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
