I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
