He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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