Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
