You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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