so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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