Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The air was thick with penises
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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