dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
