rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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