I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
