We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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