i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize