Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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