If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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