you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize