mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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