Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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