the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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