Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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