FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
