Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
