I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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