In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
