im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
