I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
