The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
