Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
