I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everyone says I win the strip club
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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