ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Apparently you make a good broom.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
