Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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