she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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