Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
