Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
