God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Randomize
