It's Friday. Sex?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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