whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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