Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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