Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
