i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
