Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
