i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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