I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
