I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize