Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
