Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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