I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
