rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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