I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
