absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
