just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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