You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
