thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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