Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
