moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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