woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
