At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
