hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
