I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
