watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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