He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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