im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
