Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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