the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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