Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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