i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
