I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
