I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I supernannyed him into submission
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
