Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
