I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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